Lately I have been asked a lot of “Why I…” questions. Quite possibly it is time for me to start questioning my own sanity (I think it has been over a week, so I’m definitely overdue) and lets find the most uncomfortable and incomplete way to answer some of them, at least the ones that were asked today.
I run for so many reasons and I have a beautifully captivating reason that really hits people in a way that makes them WANT to run too when I talk with them! But get real…we all know that motivating stories are born out of some less than motivating moments. So here it goes.
I began to run as a way to burn off anxiety. Anxiety from studying, making decisions, thinking about life, wondering if I was going to have a date to the Barn Dance…yes, I was in a sorority and I loved it.
I ran as a distraction from myself
Later I began to run to feel something. In my years at Purdue the never ending questions of, “what’s next…” spiraled out of control. Maybe it is a type-A thing or maybe just plain crazy, but when I would start to become numb from going through the motions and when I started to become comfortable in the darkness of depression, I would run. I would run until my muscles burned and I could barely breathe.
I ran to remember I am alive and to look forward not look back
In Florida, things slowed down and I had no idea what to do with myself. I would be that annoying person asking everyone if they wanted to do something, hangout, play a board game…and when that resulted in a whole lotta no’s…I would clean. And then I cleaned so much that I began cleaning out the wine cabinets a bottle a night. That’s when I decided I needed to run. That and Adam suggested (lightly) that maybe I shouldn’t drink a bottle a night…yup-yup, I’m not one of those intervention types; you don’t have to tell me twice!
I ran to waste time
Fast forward to Kansas. I’ve grown up a few years moving back to my home state. This place is different. It doesn’t quite feel like home anymore, but what I have found and something I cannot speak more highly of about this area is the freedom running has given me and the opportunity it has for EVERYONE. All you need is a pair of shoes and some clothes and you can run…anywhere. It doesn’t matter the distance or the time, it is only about the action of doing and finding solace in your happy pace. It has the calming power that only comes from disconnecting yourself from technology and reconnecting with nature around you. See a pretty trail? Stop and go for a run! No, seriously, you won’t be disappointed. I look at my GPS map and smile because I have seen so much land one race at a time. I scroll my Facebook and am thankful for so many people I’ve connected with through running. I log into my Nike+ account and love seeing my miles over the years. Sure, I can joke that I run for beer and cupcakes (amiright?!) and I laugh when I say I run to keep the crazy away (truth!) but I am genuine when I say,
I run to return home with myself and to create a healthy distraction from this modern life
This has been one of the toughest questions for me to answer. I had this “idea” about blogging and what is was going to be for me. I wanted it to be motivating, inspiring, and meaningful. What I didn’t take into consideration about what I wanted was HOW DIFFICULT IT WOULD BE to take on that responsibility. There are days when I have little motivation, I need inspiration, and my negativity gets the best of me. What I have found is that I’m not alone. I feel that I have hidden in times of stress because I didn’t want to complain or seem like my life was less than my glowing aura I projected…but in hiding, I disengaged others who may also be struggling similarly. And as I realized the potential gravity of the situation I’m creating, I have decided that I will just write. My blog is to be an outlet. It will be fun, it will be rough, it will be glowing, and it will still captivate my desire to motivate, inspire, and be meaningful. I will not worry about how I will be perceived because I am who I am. I struggle. I celebrate. I laugh. I love. I am real. If I can be that real person at home, in real-life public, and on my personal social media sites, why am I struggling with being me on my blog? Crazy right?
So here’s to me…being me and blogging about it.
(Cheering from the pretend crowd in my head, victory!)
Caught me! You are right, I still didn’t answer WHY I blog. But I’m sure I’ll figure it out and hopefully help others in the process.
…Am remodeling a house
Man, this is a big question and a hot topic now that Adam and I are on year 2 of living out of boxes. Yes, two years and still not unpacked. We moved from Florida and given our situation, moving into a house that was in the family made sense. My grandpa was the most amazing man I have ever had the opportunity to be around in my life, and HE thought that house was neat. And he was right; it is spacious, and affordable. He liked the fact it was only houses away from my parents and my sister was just a few miles down the highway. So we were all in! But the house needed work and we thought, hey this will be fun! HGTV says three days for a bathroom remodel, shoooooot, we can do that! The magazines show easy DIY cabinets, dang, I’m up for it! What people don’t realize is remodeling a house on a monthly budget while working full time and enrolled as a full time student changes your life.
You either make it or you break it
Adam and I have learned so much about each other in this process. We have bled (literally) and cried (real tears) and laughed (hysterically) and yes, argued (like 5-year olds and adults). Remodeling isn’t for the emotionally weak or for people wanting to build strength in a relationship. You gotta have your shit together before picking up that first hammer or you will have a dirty ceiling before you can even comprehend that the fan switch was not turned off like you requested. Would we do this remodel endeavor again? Absolutely not. Would we recommend others to remodel a home? Only if you have money to hire contractors so you can stand back, hold hands, drink a beer, and watch your dreams become reality over a short period of time. Will Adam and I make it? Yes. Because we communicate even the tough stuff.
We lay down our pride to be our most vulnerable with one another
That’s how you make it and the best part about that is that you become stronger than you could have ever imagined your relationship could be.
…am getting my Doctorate
I know I have a good answer somewhere around here. More than,
I get to wear a funky hat and a bad ass robe at graduation! #boombitches
Yeah, just doesn’t really sound all that grown up and intelligent, especially with such an unoriginal hashtag…so I’ll get back to you on that one.